Sunday, July 4, 2010

Blue Ribbon Texas Nibblin' Double Dribblin' Oink Oink Plate

I never liked working on the 4th, but it wasn't because I had any particular burning desire to watch fireworks or barbecue or mark the holiday in any way. It's just the forced merriment of holidays in general, combined with the question that is always hovering in the air, "So, are you doing anything special for the 4th?" If they were asking me, the answer was, "Working." If I was foolish or insensitive enough to ask them, the answer was usually, "Just this." Oh, man. You really do have a crappy life if this is special.

Regarding "Specials: The 4th of July specials almost always had some "Blue Ribbon" or county fair kind of theme to them and it really sucked when they advertised the heck out of these specials all week and then ran out halfway through the shift. It's just mean to run out of anything "special" when your holiday crowd is made up of so many people who don't have families in town or didn't get invited to neighborhood barbecues. That's the one time you've gotta come through. It's especially mean when the restaurant has named the special (now 86'd) something rhyming or stupid that nobody wants to say in the first place. First you make a 40 year-old man say words that sound like they came out of a Dr. Seuss book and then you tell him he did it for nothing? They would be so much happier if you just said, "Same old shit today ... don't get your hopes up." Or even better, don't open the restaurant on the 4th of July. There are some of us who would rather go to a bar and drink about our independence than work on that day. We could take advantage of their 4th of July beer specials, 'cos Lord knows they never have to deal with depressed people on the holidays.


  1. My borderline-Aspergers brother will not order food he wants if it has a ridiculous name. Think about it, you spend most of your time trying not to allow foolish sounds to escape your lips, why are you encouraged at a restaurant?

    And one time, not being big on commemorating holidays, my husband and I found ourselves at a cheap chain restaurant on Valentines. They had a Valentine's Day special of like a $9.99 salad bar and brought candies in a plastic heart-shaped box with the check. I wasn't sure which was more depressing, that they were trying to attract Valentine's day business to their one-step above fast food establishment, or that we were there. :(

  2. The plastic candy box is tender and sad all at once.
    Do you remember McDonald's advertising Valentine's Day specials? I don't think they do it anymore, but I'm pretty sure if someone took me to McDonald's for Valentine's, I'd just take the bus home. Especially if they tried to use the drive-through.